11 October 2007 by Sandy Hemphill
Big Legs
Sally was a Texan enjoying – enduring? – her first winter in a place where snow actually started falling around November. This was a first for her and she had wardrobe issues.
Texas, and Texans, are famous for big. Big state, big ranches, big cars, big hair, big attitudes, big oil wells in every big back yard. Lots of big, tall tales.
Like a lot of things in Texas, Sally was a big woman. Taller than most but many people considered her a pretty lady. Like most women, Sally was content with most of her body but she didn’t like it all. Her thighs were just a little too Texan, in Sally’s opinion. Big. Too big.
During her first Northern winter, Sally had occasion to go to her first wine tasting. It was hosted by a distributor and featured wines from many of the region’s wholesalers. It was a big event and she was going to meet a friend there.
She wanted to look good, sophisticated, so she wore a pretty dress, even though it was a little bit chilly for her Southern preference. It really was pretty, though, and the skirt was long and full. It camouflaged those legs she was so self-conscious about.
When she walked into the banquet room for the wine tasting, she spied her friend at the back of the room, already immersed in studying the wine. She made her way toward him.
As she passed the first table, she heard a man seated at the table say, “Big legs.” She didn’t think that was very nice but she kept walking.
At the next table she heard it again. And again. Seems everyone was commenting openly – rudely! - about her big legs. This seemed so unfair, especially since she was half freezing so she’d look nice in a flimsy dress when she’d have preferred jeans on a day like this. And her big legs were hidden anyway!
She was practically mortified by the time she made it to the back of the room to join her friend, who was holding a glass of wine up to the ceiling lights.
“Oh, hi, Sally,” he said. “Big legs.”
Sally almost exploded! She was ready to kill.
“What the bleep-bleep do you mean by that?!?” she demanded.
He held his wine glass up to the light and slightly toward Sally and pointed to it.
“See?” he said. “Big legs.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Sally asked warily.
He then explained to her that when wine is swirled around the inside of a wine glass, you can see how full-bodied the wine is by watching the wine slide down the glass into the bottom of the bowl. A rich, bold wine loaded with flavor and body, sure to provide a delightfully lingering finish, will glide slowly, smoothly, gently down the edge of the glass in big, syrupy legs. Wines with big legs will most likely excite the senses, age to perfection, and make a great investment for stocking a wine cellar.
Hmmh! So much for big legs.